Kiki Says…

Well I have made my way through the Introduction to Ms. Gilbert’s book “Eat, Pray, Love”. The first line reads, “When you’re traveling in India….” all casual like. Like all of us are surely going to be traveling through India at some point and she is going to impart some important wisdom that we will eventually find invaluable. The closest thing I am getting to India in this lifetime is the local Indian food joint.

Side Note–I live in the heart of the Midwest. As a people, we are probably not the most cosmopolitan around. However, even I was surprised when I tried to take a friend to this Indian restaurant and later found out that he thought we were going to eat Indian food…as in Native American. I guess he expected buffalo burgers or something.

She goes on to explain a string of beads called japa malas. They are used in prayerful meditation. There are 108 beads, which is some mystical number I didn’t quite understand. Each bead is touched as the user completes the repetition of their mantra. The last bead, 109, holds it all together. So she is going to break her book up into 108 parts and the intro is her metaphorical 109^th bead.

I liked this. I liked the idea of the order, the special numbers, the holding it all together with one last bead. If I were trying to find that 109^th bead in my life…I guess it would be me.

This bead is the one that tells the meditater (is that even a word?) that they have made the full circuit.  This is the bead where it all starts and ends. I get this. I am the one who holds it all together. I keep our life moving forward in all of its wonderful chaos. I am the bead that everyone comes back to in order to start all over again. I am the first one up and the last one to sleep. I am the first face the dogs, the cat, the kids and my husband see each morning. I am the last face they see at night. I complete the circuit. I bet a lot of women are that bead.

So there I go, relating to the book right off the bat. Although, in my own odd way.  That is a pleasant surprise. I hope there are more surprises like that as I move through this book.

The other thing I found interesting is that Elizabeth Gilbert is changing all the names of the people in this book relating to her time in the Ashram in India. She says they do not want the publicity or notoriety. That is very spiritual and noble of them all. I wish I was that evolved…I am not.

I will NOT be changing the names of anyone in this blog. Everyone I know would welcome the attention, be it ever so slight, that being included in this little project might bring them. Maybe we are shallow that way. But really, I think it is just our innate desire to be included in something, even something as obscure as this. So there will be no name changing to protect the innocent or the not so innocent.

Let me first say that I am in no way trying to infringe on the work or life or journey of Elizabeth Gilbert. I don’t want to piggy back on her work or ride her coat tails. I was simply moved by the complete and total differences in our lives.

The only thing we appear to have in common is being of around the same nondescript age in life that is the end of our thirties and the beginning of our forties. She is blond. I am brunette- sometimes a red head, and when it has been too long, I often have grey hiding in there. Ms. Gilbert looks thin and willowy and well put together. I am round- not overly, but no one will ask me to model a bikini anytime soon. I have larger, heavy breasts that my husband loves, and I often hate. But they have nurtured two babies and therefore deserve my appreciation at the least. I am often in sweats with a very not glamorous pony tail in my hair, and I can count on one hand the number of days in the last month I have put make up on my face.

I have two children- girls- and I don’t believe Ms. Gilbert has any. I have never been divorced or really had my heart broken. I live in the same town I grew up in and have never left the country. I have not once been on Oprah- let alone three times. I don’t believe Elizabeth Gilbert and I could be any more different if we tried.

But I just watched her on Oprah, touting the film with the same name as her best-selling book and I felt such a profound disconnect from the journey she has written about and what my daily experience is.

I began to think about the title of Ms. Gilbert’s book and how it relates to my life. All I kept hearing in my head was “Snack, Swear, Laugh.”

“Eat, Pray, Love” sounds wonderful. It sounds like something I would love to do. And then I look around me at the piles of laundry, the unpaid bills, and the muddy paw prints on the stairs. I hear the music blaring from my daughter’s room, the video game sounds from my husband’s office, the dishwasher as it lumbers through the end of its cycle. I smell the dinner I burnt, the wet dog at my feet and the cat litter that needs to be changed again. I am so far away from eat, pray, love that it is laughable.

I freely admit I have not read Ms. Gilbert’s book. In all honesty I think I was intimidated by the title. Yes I eat, but not well. Yes I pray, but usually with more than a little desperation. Yes I love, but not in any grand way. I snack on what is left over or within arm’s reach. I swear and say “Goddamn it” more often than I say “amen.” And I laugh more than I do anything else, which is probably why I am not in a little padded cell yet.

And I know, I hope with all my heart, that I am not alone. That there are others of you out there who snack and swear and laugh and that is good enough. Most of us are never going to have any life changing epiphanies, or wild adventures, or even travel too far from our local grocery stores. We are just going through our lives trying to endure from day to day with our sanity and sense of humor intact.

So I am going to read Ms. Gilbert’s book. I am going to try to connect with her journey. But I am not going to beat myself up that my life is not bigger. I am not going to get down on myself for not being more enlightened. I am going to try to connect her journey to mine- not the other way around. So grab a snack, stock up on some of your favorite swear words and settle in for a few giggles as I try to find a way to relate to one woman’s grand travels through food, spirituality and love- while still keeping track of my keys and begging someone to pick up some milk on the way home.

Dear Kiki,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. As our love has grown, so has my waistline. I have gained 25 pounds since we have been together. He says I am still beautiful and he is still attracted to me. But I am having trouble believing him. We see some of his old girlfriends sometimes and they all look so thin and pretty. I am sure he is just wishing he wasn’t stuck with dumpy me. I am trying to lose weight but I need more reassurance from him that he still loves me.

What do I do? continue reading…

My human won’t take control and be the pack leader.

Dogs are pack animals first and foremost.

And a pack is organized in a hierarchy. There are pack leaders who are responsible for the important things like food and shelter. There are followers who help the leader and contribute to the pack. And there are lesser members who do what they can, but mostly get taken care of by the pack. continue reading…

1. Fido won’t listen until you yell.
2. Fluffy chews on your shoes.
3. Buddy pees indoors.
4. Daisy barks at everything.
5. Rover won’t stop licking.
6. Coco jumps up on everyone.
7. Max pulls on his leash.
8. Princess digs holes in the yard.
9. Sparky won’t stop begging.
10. Angel won’t come when called.

All of these problems can be solved with the proper technique and attitude from you.

Stay tuned for further instructions….

And thumbs up to any of you who actually have canine companions with any of the names listed above.

The other day I put a post on here about how women should ask for what they want. Now, men, the ball is in your court.

I bet you all think that in your infinite wisdom and wonderfulness, you already fulfill all of her heart’s desires. I bet you are slightly misinformed.

If, on Monday, she asks you to take out the trash and you get around to it on Thursday, you still did it- right? continue reading…

In my constant wanderings (and wonderings) through the internet I have found a blog that is unlike any others.

When my eyes get tired of reading line after line and page after page in search of a nugget of originality, I go to Beth’s blog. It is a refreshing mix of beautiful pictures, whimsical words, and keen observations. I love how this woman sees the world and I am thankful that she shares it with us all.

It is called “be yourself… everyone else is taken.” And she is certainly herself.

So sit back…take a breath…and relax as you scroll through her pictures and words.

Kiki says… you rock Beth!

Check it out here… http://moredoors.blogspot.com/

ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT

Sounds simple enough and I bet you already think you do that. But if you break it down I bet you will find that you are really making statements, not requests, and being vague without a lot of detail.

Men do not get this kind of thinking.

They understand specifics, details and actions. You do not have to change your way of thinking. You just need to change the words you use to convey your thinking. It is a lot easier than you think.

Let’s take an example and see what we can do with it.

What do you want? continue reading…

This is a subject we are going to explore a lot here at kikisays.com – UNcommon sense.

So before I go on a rant about it, I figure I should give you a brief explanation of the subject. (That would be uncommon sense in action…hang in there with me and keep reading… all will become clear.)

You are standing in a waist deep hole with a shovel in your hand. You don’t really want to be there. It begins to rain.

What do you do? continue reading…

My Office Has Gone To The Dogs

The best part about working at home is not what you think….it’s fur. Yes, I said fur.

Now before all you PETA people get your organically grown, pesticide free, animal friendly, cotton panties in a bunch (and hundreds of field animals gave their lives for that cotton by the way….but that is another post) I just want to say I am referring to dog fur. continue reading…